This is Not My Generation Part 2

You know what's really weird? Watching all these grunge documentaries, and they are talking about how all these people could totally relate to grunge/Nirvana/Kurt Cobain/Smells Like Teen Spirit, and how they were lost and alone and it was like a reflection of themselves, and how it felt like they were like them and talking about them and to them and for them and were them, and that finally something that characterized us is in the mainstream and is around and it's something we can relate to, and then realizing that's exactly how you feel about it, down to the tee, all of it, but then they go and put it in the context of "Generation Xers". I know, I know, that is how it happened, and it was those kids that felt lost and alone until grunge showed up and then it felt like something was speaking to them, but for one, kids today can totally feel exactly the same, and for another, it still feels like they are denying that grunge still exists when they put it that way. In fact, the thing to make me think of this right now was this one I was just watching about punk, and then there was a part where they were talking about how Nirvana came in and changed everything, and Henry Rollins comes in right after Thurston Moore and says "Kurt Cobain and the Seattle Scene, tapped into a vast chunk of American white youth who were depressed, bummed out, and here's a guy who looks like them, comes from them, sings for them, about them, and to them, and all of a sudden you got a Nirvana shirt on" and I realized how very much I could relate to that. Heck, I would always think Kurt Cobain was my twin or father or clone or SOMETHING, because of how much he seemed like me. I settled on soul mate/kindred spirit. Trust me, it's like that scene in Hype! where Seaweed is talking about how rock won't go away any time soon because there won't be a shortage of disaffected youth that want to get crazy with punk or whatever. Just because people say rock is dead today, doesn't make it so. Even if there are kids now that were born then, they can still feel exactly the same as these kids of the 90s that were born in the 60s and 70s that you are talking about in these documentaries. Oh and then they also mention that these kids had to go through the Reagan 80s. Oh yeah, well we had to go through the Bush 2000s!

Another weird thing is finding out all your favorite musicians are famous. Now I know us 21st century grungers will all have different stories of how we found out about it, how we got into it, and what it means to us, which is cool and why I would really like our voices to be out there more, because there would be tons of interesting stories to hear, but some of my story, in short, includes discovering it during Christmas of 2004 by checking out my brother's new ipod, and he happened to have that music on there, and it was like an explosion and I never forgot it and yada yada, but I had never heard of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains before. It was those four bands, in the beginning, and I didn't know they were related at all, but I put them as my top 4 favorite bands, and then later on, as I would start to look them up to find out more info about them, I found out they all came from Seattle, which at first I thought was a total coincidence, and that they were all from the 90s, which I had no idea about either (I was like looking around my room in the beginning, for cameras and microphones, because I figured people were spying on me and writing down everything I did and what I liked, and calculating a type of music based on me, because how did they get me so right? and then I found out it was around when I was born.), and then that they were all called grunge and from the same scene, oh and then I started to find out that they were famous. Now, of course when there are bands you had never heard of, and you find out they are famous, it's not like someone says right away that they are the most famous ever so wrap your mind around that right now, so you think that maybe they are slightly famous, then as you learn more and more about them, you realize they are more and more famous than you previously thought, and you sort of grasp the concept of them being really famous at some point, and that they were the biggest thing of the 90s, and then, some time in the mid 2000s, you hear that Kurt Cobain has passed up Elvis and taken the #1 spot for most successful musician, so at first you think "oh wow that's interesting", and then you think "Wait a minute, he must have been REALLY famous then!" and that's when most of it hits you. I had never heard of him before, or them before, (seriously, whoever says Nirvana is still just as famous must be living in a different place than me, because no one around me had ever mentioned grunge, or Nirvana, or Pearl Jam, or whatever, and no one in school knew who they were or were talking about them, and it's not like you'll ever go anywhere and see his face like you do the pop stars, so consider yourselves lucky if you do) so I had no idea anyone else besides me or my brother had heard of any of them, so it was really weird to go from thinking they might be your brother's friends bands from around the neighborhood, to realizing they are like the most famous people ever. It's just so confusing to think of something I actually like being famous when I've hated everything that happens to be in the mainstream since '98. Like I keep thinking, "there's NO way anything I ever like will be famous, that just wouldn't happen, I mean have you SEEN the crap they push in the mainstream? They just really don't get it." I like it though, to know that there actually CAN be something good in the mainstream and on the radio. It's incredibly refreshing and gives me hope for the future of music and culture.

The really confusing thing though is finding out Kurt died. It's like because we didn't see it on the television because we were little then, or born then, or not aware then, or not even born yet, there's no closure. It was so hard to keep reminding myself that he was dead, because the more I found out about him, the more alive and real he seemed. It is incredibly sad that now I know I will never be able to go to a Nirvana concert. That was always going to be my one wish if ever I were to be granted a wish. I guess I'll have to think of something else. I went from discovering this great band, to probably hearing that he died as I looked them up the first time, but I wasn't too familiar with the specific people, to getting more familiar but forgetting that little detail, to finding out again hat he died and thinking "Oh yeah, I think I heard one of them died, wow it was Kurt the front-man. Man, I guess I can't go to a Nirvana concert now." Now I long for the days when he was still alive, because it does seem like there would be a different vibe around life. Every time I start thinking of a band, I think of when they formed and think "Wow, they were playing music when Kurt was still alive. That's wild. I wonder what that was like. I bet it was a much different vibe back then." It seems like one of the defining moments. Life before Kurt and life after Kurt. There's also before and after Soundgarden broke up, and before and after pop stars started taking over in the late 90s. Those 3 seem to be the main things people contribute to the fall of grunge from the mainstream. If you want to travel back in time, it's either to save Kurt, or to be there when he was still alive, because life was cooler before the late 90s, and less depressing from '91-'94.

Oh another thing that made me feel outside of  my generation and kids these days was something, I don't even remember what, where there were people talking in slang of nowadays, and I had no idea what the heck they were saying, and didn't care to use their words or really find out because I'm not going to be talking that way anyway because they sound stupid to me. Ha, I remember always thinking "fo shizzle" sounded incredibly stupid. I swear, sometimes I feel like the stereotypical old person shaking their fist at today's youth and totally not getting it, even though it's my youth. Actually, I've felt that way since I was 6. Kids these days.... I think I'll stick with a mixture of the older ones such as "rad", "phat", "boss", "righteous", "cool", "right on", "groovy", "wicked", "nice!", "sweet!",  and then of course "dude" and "man" and "lame"(all of which I say all the time), and the lexicon of grunge words such as "lamestain" just for kicks. Heck, at least "swinging on the flippity flop" doesn't sound as stupid as "fo shizzle" even though the point was to sound stupid. The shortening of words gets on my nerves too. Both the things like "totes" and abbreviations like "OMG". I guess it comes with the texting/tweeting world, where everyone is in such a rush that both the grammar and the words themselves start slacking, especially if you are going to put limits on the characters one can use, but really that's stupid. Is it worth it to twitter to have that short of a character limit if everyone is typing like a moron?

Singles. The movie that vibes like me. I actually get it, and movies like it, such as the Clerks movies, Reality Bites, Slacker, Hype! (the grunge documentary), and whatever else I'm missing. Those movies where it's people trying to find themselves mixed with dealing with love and relationships, mixed with the total bohemian attitude of not wanting to give up your ideals by following the pack, mixed with actually caring about philosophy, mixed with some really good music, good clothes, and cool people. I'd rather have shows and movies like that than the ever-so-dumbed-down reality shows of today. Hey, I like Beavis and Butthead, I don't mind dumb, but that's because it's total satire, and making fun of people that are that dumb. It's hard to realize that people can actually be that dumb. To think Singles came out the year I was born is astonishing.

A lot of times it feels like I'm the last person on Earth or something. The online world is great for finding tons and tons of like-minded grunge people, but it's hard to find those people in real life. It's like I'm walking around this world by myself. What's funny is that I've always been the type to really not care what people think of me or about having friends and whatnot, because I was always fine by myself and really don't get the whole "we need friends to survive" thing, and I actually did like being different in the beginning, like I loved that I hated Britney Spears because I'd hate to have to like that garbage (and no offense again if you genuinely like it), and if it meant being on the opposite side of everyone else, then I'd be happy to do it, but the more and more time goes by with me not liking all the trendy things of today, the more I wish just SOMETHING I like and can actually relate to could show up there, just so that I don't have to be totally different from the human race, and so that I don't have to hate everything all the time. It's annoying having everything you hate be around you all the time. I'd like to know I can relate to people on some level like that. Actually, finding out about grunge gave me a total sense of actually liking being part of a tribe, and being a part of something bigger than myself, even though I never had thought about it before. It's like the music video for Blind Melon's No Rain: You go around doing your thing, and no one can relate, so you think you are different from everyone, but not being yourself is out of the question, and then one day you stumble upon a group of people who are exactly like you, and your whole perspective is changed. 

Alice in Chains in This is 40/stupid stereotypes

Hmm, this is bittersweet. I saw that the Everybody Loves Our Town facebook page posted this link to the blog that mentions that Alice in Chains and Niki Minaj were mentioned in the movie This is 40. Now as I was reading the dialogue, I kept thinking, "YES!!! Someone in this day and age actually gets it!!" here's the dialogue...

"INT. SADIE’S ROOM - NIGHT

Pete and Debbie walk in mid-argument. Sadie is listening to a song on her iPhone.

DEBBIE Sadie. Sadie, what are you listening to? Okay, this is music that makes people happy. And this is what people buy. Right, girls?

She puts Sadie’s iPod in a dock and plays the Nikki Minaj rap “Roman’s Revenge.” They all start rapping along to it. They all laugh and dance and go crazy. Pete turns the iPod off.

DEBBIE Why did you take it off?

PETE Now, something that really rocks.

Pete puts on “Rooster” by Alice In Chains.

This is called good music. From somebody’s heart.

SADIE This is bumming me out. This isn’t fun.

PETE Just listen to these words, okay?

CHARLOTTE I don’t understand the words.

PETE This is lyrics, this is poetry. This is what is going to survive in a hundred years.

DEBBIE It just doesn’t make people happy.

PETE It makes me happy. I can dance to it.

Pete starts dancing around like it is fun.

DEBBIE You’re the only one in the room who’s happy.

Pete stops his music.

PETE Sometimes, I wish just one of you had a dick.

CHARLOTTE Well, we don’t want one."

...But then I read the second to the last line. "Sometimes, I wish just one of you had a dick." Yeah because clearly you have to have a dick in order to realize that Niki Minaj sucks, Alice in Chains rocks and is from the heart and is poetry and can make you happy and is fun and danceable and is going to last forever, and it's better to have that than to be shallow. *rolls eyes*. That's just upholding the stupid stereotype that women are shallow or have to be shallow. Then I went back to the beginning and realized they placed this stereotype in the whole sequence. The way to get rid of bad pop is to uphold the position that little girls DO NOT have to like that crap, NOT to reinforce it. They could have easily done that, but oh no, they just heard that's what the stereotype was and decided to run with it, like everyone else. NOT EVERY FEMALE OR LITTLE GIRL LIKES THAT CRAP! (and I only say crap because I don't like it. I don't give a crap if there are people out there that actually do like it, so no offense). I'm living proof of that, as I never liked it, and I've even always been a girly girl. My little girl cousins are also living proof of that as all of them constantly make fun of people like Justin Bieber even more than I do. In fact, I know of maybe 3 people that actually like that stuff. Let's not reinforce false stereotypes that only prove to make the world worse by keeping stupid garbage in the mainstream for longer than it's meant to be there, shall we? I feel like we're back in the 50s again, but the kitchen (well there are still those stupid sandwich jokes) is replaced by bad pop music. 

This is Not My Generation Part 1

I have been thinking a lot about having a band diary, for when I flee to Seattle and try to form a band, for one thing, for myself, and for another thing, so that if I ever have any fans, they can read how it all went down, because as a fan of bands myself, that is always fun, and I always wish there were more detailed records of the early days of my favorite bands, and I figured why not write it in a little journal book as well as in a blog, so that people don't have to wait for me to die or something in order to get their hands on it, they can learn as we all go along, and so that someone who finds out about my band if I do become famous can find out stuff easily and right away (again, not that I'm destined to become famous and have lots of fans, just in case I do. I'm just determined to be in a band, and even if we have a few fans, it'll be worth it), and I figured I might as well start that in this blog when the time comes (I was always going to post if I did form a band here anyway), but I also kind of wanted to start a section about what it's like to be an outcast of Generation Y, and feel like you're part of Generation X, and struggles involving all of that. I'm always saying how I hate it how they never interview grunge kids of today when doing grunge documentaries and whatnot nowadays, and no one pays attention to us kids who actually don't like the trendy things of today, so why bother waiting for someone with a camera or email questions or something to come and interview kids like us? Why not just start talking about it and see if it can pick up some speed? So that's what I'm going to do. These are tales from a girl who never felt like she fit in with her generation, and then found one that felt like it ripped her off. I know, it might seem like a childish teenager thing to be pissed at your own generation, and feel like such an outcast, but it was never a phase-like thing for me, and hopefully, throughout my writing, you'll all see why. Sometimes I start to feel better about it, get advice on how to avoid it, and learn to laugh at it or try to ignore it, but I always end up back in my same old spot of hating it and feeling lonely from it, and having the urge to change it, and DO something. Though if anything were to ever happen, it would be from people like me, who just can't stand something, have a lot of passion, and can't just sit around being apathetic and accepting it like it's no big deal, so I guess it's not all bad. Hopefully, a lot of people will be able to relate to what I have to say. I'm here to tell it like it is.

What it's like to be a 20 year old in 2012 (that is if you don't like the stuff that is in the modern culture) (or really, a teen in the 2000s and little kid in the late 90s as well) .

Well, it is rather odd when you start to look up facebook pages of old friends, and they all are wearing modern 2000sey clothes, have those huge ear whole things, stuff like Obey shirts, say YOLO, and Swag, and talk all gangsta in posts, or talk about going to the show of the newest electronic or pop sensation, and you just can't relate, because they are all going about it in the weirdest ways, and seem to live for the trends of today, and there's always a sense of people not even liking music today. They just go to a few concerts of the newest sensations, because they think that's just what people do. Being a music person, I just can't understand either bands making music for any other reason besides the love of music, or fans listening to music for any other reason than the love of music. All of that really is the quickest way to make me feel like I have nothing in common with people, and like I'm standing on the outside, separated form all of the other people or something. I keep thinking "They know trends continually change, right?" It just doesn't seem worth it when you know you are going to have to latch on to something else some time soon, and I have seen some of these kids go from thing to thing with the coming trends. I hated it when people were shoving pictures in my face of Backstreet Boys or whoever, asking which one I thought was cute, and I hate it when they make me feel like an outcast in the same ways, after all this time, as well. Sometimes I feel like I should just stay off the internet. I know I shouldn't care, but it really is just incredibly hard to relate to. I hope all of this doesn't sound too pretentious. I would never act mean toward people. I just feel alienated by them, as I have since '98. I'm used to thinking I'm the one that's different though, mainly because that's what I was always told, but now I'm getting used to thinking they are the ones who are different, but still I would never act better than anyone. Oh and the stupid doing things for irony thing. I like irony too, heck that's why I got a facebook page in the first place (since I hate social media, but really it's the only way to get any sort of word of mouth out of this generation, so I have to use it now), but you guys have to realize that when you pay attention to something, especially when you BUY things, because it's so bad that it's funny or you like feeling better than it, you are making it FAMOUS, and contributing to the crappy culture we have now. I don't even think people like half the stuff that's around nowadays. They just pay attention to it because of the trainwreck/car wreck factor. It's so bad they can't look away, and then they are absorbed by it because of how bad it is. They listen to bad pop because it's so bad that it's funny. Yeah I actually heard a lot of people say they hated Hot Problems, but they spent money on it because they hated it, because it was so bad, or because it was so bad that it was funny. I have also come across a guy saying he was made fun of in school for liking music un-ironically. I want to check out of this generation NOW.

It's really annoying not liking the clothes of your own generation, so you have to resort to either thrift stores (which around here only have not what I'm looking for, or 2000s clothes), or online shopping. I so desperately want more of those cool 90s grunge black rayon dresses with the little flowers all over them, but I haven't been able to find any in thrift stores, and the main online site I can find them on is ebay, which definitely does not have thrift store prices. Some are actually $50, $60, or more, and for what? A dress form the 90s that is probably second hand, that if it was sold in a thrift store, would go for $4? Yeah not only would I never have the money for that, but I don't think I'd pay that much for that type of dress, or probably any dress, anyway. I also have no idea where to find band shirts. Especially the ones I want. I desperately want that Love Battery one with the pink around the battery (the cover of Dayglo), but of course I'll never be able to find that anywhere. I think they have some band shirts in regular stores, but mainly for the big bands, like Nirvana. I want a Feast or Skin Yard shirt. Though I bet some bands have websites that sell them. I've often though about seeing if I can just screenprint my own shirts, like go the DIY route, but for one thing, you need money to buy all the supplies, and for another thing, there are so many pictures I know I want that exist already, that might be hard to recreate myself, so I figure why not just buy them if I can find them. I still hate skinny jeans just as much as I ever did as well.

Vinyl/record stores/CDs/ availability of physical albums/availability of rock concerts. Well, as we all know, there aren't nearly as many record/CD stores around as there used to be (and only having been born in '92, I don't know how many there were before, but I've heard this so much), and there are a few record stores around here, but they are like 45 minutes or more away, and small, with stuff I've never heard of before. I did grow up on cassettes, CDs, and the radio, but not vinyl, because apparently we had a whole bunch of vinyl and a record player, with some classic metal albums that I would have loved, like the kinds with the really cool artwork, and my dad threw them all out because he thought our record player was broken and vinyl was out of style anyway, so there was no point. Little did he know, vinyl would be back in style, and you can get anything fixed at Emmett's Fix it Shop! (little joke there) So basically my introduction to vinyl was in 2009, when I got a record player for Christmas. Though I found out the 45 speed was broken by buying the Hunted Down Soundgarden single at Record Store Day, and played it, and it sounded incredibly heavy, so I figured it probably shouldn't sound that way, and there must be something wrong. I recorded the way it sounded, do to the suggestion of a friend, and put it up on youtube, in case anyone wants to hear. I do like vinyl, it's fun to watch it spin and follow my eyes with it, much like I did with the ceiling fans at places like Subway when I was little, but I still prefer CDs, though I really cherish the physical album, and like it all before digital files. Digital should just be for convenience of having music in a small package and on the go. It really feels less intimate than physical albums. One day I'm going to have a million CDs, and replace all the digital files I have with the files from the CDs. It feels weird not having that many record stores around. I never grew up around them, but it seems like there should be waaaay more availability of physical albums and stores to find them. Especially the unique indie stores. It's just such a shame. I know a lot more people would buy physical albums more, if they were more available. Plus, you can go looking around, and find stuff you wouldn't find just by looking through itunes, and find great deals as well. You tend to cherish it a lot more in a store. Oh also, I was never brought up in that much of a musical community, so I never knew of any rock clubs, and still don't around here (well there aren't even any in this small town), and I am the type to want to go to shows all the time, so hopefully once I move to a bigger town, I will be able to do this, though high ticket prices prove impossible to pay for anyway, so I'd have to settle for the cheap punk type shows. I'm sure rock concert venues have slowed down as well, seeming as how people keep saying rock is dead, and no one cares about music that much these days. Man, I'd kill to know what it was like in the 80s and 90s.

MTV, word of mouth, fanzines etc. Well I've been hearing older people act like we have it so good today because we have the internet, and some act like we're spoiled and shouldn't be complaining and take everything for granted, but THEY are the ones who took their generation for granted. We only use the internet and youtube and whatnot because that's ALL we have. Apparently, MTV actually used to have music on it. Yeah, that's how it would work. Music videos and music related shows on a channel entitled Music Television. Who'd a thunk it? Well Mr. smarty pants older people, kids my age didn't have that, and I envy your generation sooo much because of it. I so DESPERATELY want to know what MTV was actually like. I want to know what the heck a VJ is exactly, and what they did, and how they did it. I want to know what types of music videos they would play, how often they would play them, and actually just WATCH it all, because it's always better if you just experience it. MTV apparently brought music to you. That sounds SO cool! You have to know what you are looking for before you type it into the search bar to try and find it, so even though the internet has a lot of stuff, you can't just type in a question mark and have everything you could ever possibly want just show up. With things like MTV, you could actually find new stuff easily, and find stuff you might like, and try out different things. Really, the two worlds should work hand in hand: They should bring back MV the way it was, have waay more word of mouth, more rock clubs, and record/CD stores, and a general sense of just liking music and being creative and passionate and sharing everything you find, so that you can find stuff, and then say once you see a music video you like on MTV, you can go to youtube and find it and favorite it and listen to it whenever you want. Oh and I want to know what the heck Public Access is. I keep hearing that in reference to Wayne's World. (yes I'm aware I can google it, but it's not the same as experiencing it). Oh and apparently you all had lots of word of mouth as well. The only word of moth we ever had was kids in school talking about whatever was already as famous as possible, because there was a sense of doing only the things that there popular. Apparently, you guys had a thing where you all would teach each other about underground bands and mention names and help each other out with knowledge of cool things. That just sounds fantastic. I do try to do that myself, but usually people today are content with whatever they already know, so it can be hard to make that sort of connection with people. Then there's what I previously talked about, the lots more record/CD stores, and rock clubs. One person told me they would have cork boards at either rock clubs or music stores, of like interest groups for music, and people in the know could just tell you what cool bands to listen to. Not to mention people back then were actually creative, and passionate, and just did things. We're so addicted to the internet and our devices(seriously, no one ever looks up from their phones), that we don't have time to get things done or be real (and yes, I hate that part of my generation as well, and hate apathy, and always was trying to get myself away from that and spread word more of good bands and form my own and all of that.) Oh and of course they had way more fanzines, and that culture always sounded interesting to me, but I could never find them anywhere, and I've heard they are almost dead as well, but you can find some on the internet, but it's not the same. There were flyers everywhere as well. When I went to Seattle back in 2010, I think all the flyers were ripped off the poles, and all that was left were little pieces. It made me long for the days like in Hype! when you could see that girl going around stapling Tad flyers to all the poles that already had tons of flyers/posters of the other cool bands. Now the only flyers I see are the small ones in the corner of facebook events for band gigs. Yeah, that's just sad, but hey at least there's that much. To say that we have it better just because we have more advanced technology, is barbaric and laughable. There's no excuse for getting rid of that sort of feeling, that went along with that culture, (yes I know I can't really say what it was actually like, but a girl can imagine). Your whole culture sounds amazing to me. We lost a lot of that when we took up more technology and started talking to everyone by text or social media. It's like we actually did replace a lot of human things with machines just to take up time in our pathetic lives. YOU are the ones that are privileged.

That's all for now. I know, I can actually talk a lot when I get going, so hopefully you all didn't mind reading that much. I'll continue this series as I think of more stuff to write about. Heck, it might get to the point where I write about things that I come across every day that have to do with this sort of thing.